Saturday, February 27, 2010

Venus, Mars .... Earth, Uranus...

good evening, i'm sugarbrown. dis here's da newz.

in today's news: Toyoda Finally Bends Over for US Congress

oh, and before i forget,


ok calm down. i kindasorta met someone. or maybe i didn't 'meet', meet someone yet. okay here's the deal.

he's bruised.

why is it that men are so brittle? when they get sick, it's as if the whole world has to come to an end. colds, headaches, whatever. they fall the fck out like they're gonna just die. just DIE, i say. meanwhile, we soldier through all kinds of illnesses. and pains. and emotional fluxes. and knife stabs.

and that doesn't count the non-menstrual-period-related shyt.

why do they get to be so brittle, and we don't? alright alright, i'll get over the spilled milk soon but right now, hatdemmit i wanna whine. SUE ME.

so anyway, this guy is bruised. he was in a relationship with someone whom (i suspect) didn't really want to be in a relationship, but thought it would be a good idea to be in a relationship with a guy who is actually REALLY ready to settle down. so she screwed him over. which meant that by the time i met him, he was like a wounded animal. not quite snarly but scared of everything.

i could certainly relate to this. i haven't dated seriously in a long time. i'm not ugly. i'm scared. so i understand scared. but THIS dude right here pushed my limits of understanding.

he did things like ask me where i work.... then ask me again, an hour later. not because he forgot, more to see if i would answer the same way twice.

are you fcking JOKING??

LESSON: men, i need you to understand this and let it help you for the rest of your live-long days: WOMEN ARE SMARTER THAN MEN. period. no, really. you know how men usually get to tell us earth-shattering truth like 'men really are visually driven' or 'men really are dogs' and we usually need a minute or two to accept the truth?

your minute begins right....

okay u can resume breathing now, before that temple on your forehead explodes. back to the lesson. we're smarter than you. we are better liars than you. we just (usually) choose not to. but not because we can't. i don't know why we are so good at it. anymore than i know why men make such wonderful protectors, regardless of physical build. it just is what it is. so - and most women will NOT tell you this - trying to catch us in a verbal lie will usually be pointless. no.... seriously. 8 times out of 10, you will not catch a verbal lie. there are other ways to catch us but i'm not trying to have my women's membership card revoked so i'd better stop talking right now.

so by this time i'm already irritated. fckr if i'm gonna do you grimy, me lying about my job is the LAST thing you need to worry about. so i ask him a little about what happened with ex-girl.

i mean, she was grimy. my opinion is, she had someone on the side and needed an excuse to cut my dude off. but she had to make it seem like it was his fault. (yes, we do that sometimes.) but quite frankly, i just wound up rolling my eyes at the whole thing. i get it. this is a man who usually has his pick of women. so to have a woman treat him badly was literally unfathomable to him. it shook him to his core.

boo mthrfckin hoo.

but... is this our fault? have we women so coddled men to the point that they are emotionally weakened? no, let's think about this.

we pride ourselves on our ability to bear all kinds of heartache and pain and childbirth and maternal duties and wifely duties and boardroom duties and bedroom embarassment and blahblahblah... and we've accepted men's expectation of drama-free women.

LESSON: all women come with drama. all MEN come with drama. all kids, goats, dogs come with drama. life IS drama. so if your partner isn't sharing the drama with you, then either s/he is internalizing it, or sharing it with someone else.

here's another minute.

so in our bid to present ourselves as drama-free, sugar-n-spice visions of bliss, we have set unrealistic expectations for our men. and perhaps, we have unrealistic expectations of them, too. which is why men don't deal well with non-physical confr...oh... by the way...

LESSON: ladies, men hate hate hatehatehatehatehatehateHATE confrontation with us. why? they can't just smack us and be done with it. and we're daaaaamn good with words. (did i mention women are smarter than m... oh ok, u read that part.) so we will argue a matter until it's dead, buried, decayed, gone to judgment, argued its case, lost, appealed, and haunting your daily life. that is how we roll. men haaaaaate that shyt. so we have progressively turned them into creatures who either cower, run, or misdirect their feelings when confronted by mammary adversaries.

so what would it take to be completely naked with each other, as sexes? is that even possible? how would that work? could there ever be a space where men can be sensitive and women show our emotions?

perhaps on planet Utopia. and on that planet, Utopians would have figured out how to eat all you want and never get fat, fck all you want and never contract a disease or break a heart, and do whatever you want with no negative consequences.

meanwhile, back at the ranch (known also as planet Earth), we find it easier and safer to keep all urges in check. cuz let's face it: i like my men, manly. slightly macho. i'm kind of a traditionalist. i believe in taking my husband's last name and being the primary (not sole) caretaker of the home. i believe in genteel behavior, however that's translated from culture to culture. so in the end, we'll continue to capitulate to each other's needs. because that's how we keep the planet spinning on its axis. that's how we roll.

we bend over, and then say 'thank you.'

*exhale* okay i'm tired of whining over spilled milk now.

oh, as for Dude... *shrug*


  1. that whole last paragraph...
    i'm there w/you in thought.
    in's so hard cuz ain't nobody comin to match that.
    shruggin my shoulders & shakin my head.
    i'ma take a hot bath in my spilled milk. no need in lettin it waste.

    thanks for sharing.

  2. lol ndygo... so is the situation truly a lost cause? am i fantasizing about Utopia for real?

  3. Well, I think Utopia is the same as Heaven. There is no mass intake....totally individual. So you can do the work towards that Utopia, its just if you want to do that work. Esp. for that or any person.

    Sidebar: I'm gonna need for dudes to keep this shyt moving. They are not very resilient AT ALL when it comes to being hurt. And they talk about how bad we are.....HA!! We pale in comparison to them.

  4. ........insert sound of crickets here.......

    Did you say.......mammary adversaries???

    ROFLMAO - *dead*

    Adversaries who are tired of bending
    Throw your hands up at me
    All the mammaries who makin' money
    Throw your hands up at me
    All the ta-tas who profit dollas
    Throw your duckets up at me
    All the boobies who truly feel me
    Throw your hands up at me

    glands I didn't know you could get down like that! Sugar, how your mammaries get down like that? Glands I didn't know you could get down like that! Sugar, how your mammaries get down like that?

  5. i was about to comment, but...i just can't.
    y'all are wild[er than me]!!

  6. @T girl yes. they need to keep it movin (yeah yeah to the K.I.M.).... i aint got no time for shuckin and jivin. - Tribe Called Quest

    *slow, concerned stare @ Shai* i'm concerned because you remixed the song but MORE concerned because i instantly recognized which song u bastardized.

    *slow, concerned stare @ my screen*

    @Ndygo.. that's THEM. they ain't wrapped too tight. unlike me... i'm not wrapped at all. ha!