Wednesday, February 24, 2010

Its in his kiss....

(Post Dedication: To MyKimmy and McLovin, thanks for giving me the proverbial smack in the head when I forget who I am!!)

On Saturday night, I was hanging out on the couch with my homegirls. My girl McLovin tells me and MyKimmy about her date with a guy she's been seeing for a couple of weeks now. McLovin casually told us that the guy kissed her and, of course, we squealed like little pot-bellied pigs. Even as grown women, we become school girls when it comes to dating and boys.

So I proceeded to ask how was "the kiss"? McLovin responds, "Not good at all". MyKimmy responds, "Uhh....get rid of him". McLovin signified this same sentiment.

"Now wait a minute. You're going to just throw the baby out with the bathwater because of a bad first kiss?" I questioned.

"Yes!" They both responded in unison.

What was it that I was missing here?


The topic had me perplexed a little bit. Obviously, I needed to think things over a bit, and what better way than with a tip of the box.

The power of the kiss means more than maybe I had ever given it credit for. According to my homegirls and many other women out there, kissing tells you almost everything you need to know about a guy.

Yeah, yeah, still have to have a conversation and spend time with a guy to know his personality and the type of person he is, but the kiss... The kiss seems to provide a woman with information on the chemistry between the two of them, how comfortable a man is with himself and with you, and also acts as a precursor to the type of loving a woman can expect from a guy. Wow! All of that from just one kiss?

This required another glass of wine to comprehend.

Very few guys take stock into learning how to appropriately kiss. Oftentimes, kissing is taken for granted in lieu of other physical activities. The kiss can be just that little spark that sends the love rollercoaster in motion.

So how do you tell the difference between a bad kiss and a good kiss?

That's a pretty subjective thing for each person, but from my own experience there are certain things that goes without saying. Such as:

- Tight lip kisses are such a turn off. It feels like you are trying to cement my lips shut. Not to mention, if his lips are that tight, no telling what else on him is uptight.

- The tongue probing kiss is equivalent to a plumber cranking a snake down a drain to unclog a toilet. It feel like your tongue is checking my dental work...its just awkward. Tongue has its place in a kiss, but it should never distract away from the lips.

- Hesitant kisses - I HATE these for the simple fact that somewhere there is a secret being withheld and their lips are the physical ramifications of it. I have had three of these in my lifetime. They all had the potential of being awe-inspiring kisses, but something felt like it was only a half kiss. I eventually found out what the hesitancy was: 2/3 were with other people and the 1/3 was in the closet. 'Nuff said!

- Succubi kisses - these are the kisses that try to steal your life force from you. The suction on the mouth is like a vacuum. When you get these kisses, it feels like the person doesn't even care if you need air or that your lips are now hanging on the floor.

- St. Bernard kisses - Just like the dogs, they are overly wet and downright sloppy. These are the type of kisses that my cousin would threaten us with as kids. There is nothing sexy about bathing in a whirlpool of spit.

So what's a good kiss?

Lips, lips, lips are EVERYTHING. Nice lips. Soft lips. Chapstick moist lips. Lips so appealing that every time the person talks I feel compelled to stare at them when I'm not trying to put my own on them. WHEW! we're cooking with grease now.

But its more than just kissing on the lips. Its the mental foreplay that goes with a kiss. A kiss on the forehead, on the neck, even on the tip of your nose. All of these show a sort of desire or passion that the person has for you. When you touch the spot where your beloved kissed you, it sends you into a 3-minute chocolate high.

Is there any slack for men who aren't good kissers?

According to MyKimmy, "If you are over the age of 30, you should have enough experience by now to know what to do. You should just know!"

So get your kiss and lip game up, fellas! Otherwise, many of you will be left to the judgment of the Girlfriend Gauntlet...and apparently, there is no mercy for the weak and ill-prepared!

'Til Next Time (with lip gloss poppin')

~ T-Gyrl


  1. My older sister schooled me on this before I went off to college. & she was so right.
    But on the succubi kiss-i CAN'T and i WON'T!! there's a few brothers out there who owe me parts of my essence from the aforementioned kiss. fellas, i'm puttin u on notice. give ME back to ME!!

  2. I totally agree. Kissing is a major thing for me as well. and I also agree, after a certain age either you have it or you don't. I'm not going to give a 6 hour course on it you know LOL.

  3. kindly let me know when this will be published as a kissing manual cuz i can think of a dude or SEVERAL who could benefit. omg.

    true story: i can tell what a man is thinking via his kiss. not by staring into his eyes or whatever. his kiss will tell me all i need to know. never fails.

  4. Nothing better or more telling than a good kiss. That's why it's the closing moment of a wedding ceremony & therefore the "sounding bell" for the moment you start your marriage.