I'm reaping the harvest God promised me!
Take back what the devil stole from me!
& I rejoice today for I shall recover it all!
Today I cussed out Robin Thicke! That's right! I did it! And somehow I just can't stop rueing the day he was born. I hate to say this about Sir Thicke. I mean, let's face it, with all the love he shows the sisters he has always been in my good graces. AND HE CAN HOLD A NOTE. Oh yes, theoretical wet panties abound. But last night he earned my ire. I tried to go to bed, sleep on it but when I woke up in the morning the anger, the disgust, the betrayal - it was all still right there!
Oh, wait. You want to know what he did? Well, let's see if I can make it plain. Last night while driving home I was talking to a very recent ex with whom I used to have (ex)istential sex. And though I don't want him any more and I accept that, even if I did, it can never be I must be honest and admit there are parts of him that made me feel free! You see, smooth fuckin and thorough lovin are just two of the things one's body requires at 30 and that brotha provided at least one of the requirements! And therefore, while hearing his words about what he missed with me just made me want to vomit, hearing his voice made me remember strong arms and headboards knocking. It was clear - I had to get off the phone.
Our first night after we decided to be exclusive he told me "sleep now because after tonight I may never let you sleep again" and rolled over to catch a few x's ,y's & z's. And blessed assurance, that negro wasn't lying. When in the same room we never slept a wink. So while I wish I could take his personality and drop it over a cliff I have to keep it real and own the fact that there are parts of him that I will miss. It was clear - I had to get off the phone.
And I did! I put on my very wet big girl panties and said "niggah bye". Turned up my radio, which is always tuned to the gospel station and commenced to praising the I AM. Somehow, it didn't distract from the fact that I am horny as hell. Singing "God will provide all your needs" while silently fuming "clearly He won't" wasn't gonna get me to heaven. Being non-clairvoyant and in a state of need I figure maybe I just need to change the station. Find Pink or some other angry ass 30 something to give me some clarity and help me turn this energy into something productive like anger! Well, be careful what you ask for! I turn the station and enter...Thicke. ..
It's your body we'll go hard if you want to
hard as you want to, soft as you want to
Just let me love you, lay right here, I'll be your fantasy
Give you sex therapy. I'll give you sex therapy.
I know what you're thinking...why not just change the station? I did. Guess what they were playing?? C'mon I'll give you one guess.
It's your body we can love if you want to
Scream if you want to, loud if you want to
Just let me love you, lay right here, girl don't be scared of me
I'll give you sex therapy. Give you sex therapy
By the time I hit station three and verse four I was screaming "fuck you Robin Thicke!" I just didn't need it. I even tried a 4th station. Those jackasses were playing some level of insanity called Birthday Sex. What the hell is that? And this child (I'm assuming that's what it was because only a tween would be excited about the idea of "birthday sex") was saying it like he was gonna do something profound. I'm too grown for birthday sex. Hell, your birthday only comes once a year!! If you aint making me swing from the chandeliers every single time we get down then, trust boo, you won't be invited to the birthday. Who the hell rations out good sex once a year and then sings about it like he's doing her ass a favor! Even told her to "get ready". Wowzers. Really dude?? Good sex with your mate is that much of a unnatural occurrence?? Yeah, only a tween would swoon at that nonsense & believe her "man" is doing her a solid by dusting off his dick skillz once a year and presenting it as a gift.
Anywho so I was forced to listen to either Jesus Loves Me or Thicke. Thicke...where every verse made me remember the thickness of other things that I should not have been thinking about. The thickness of his promises. The thickness of the love I thought we could have. The thick silence in the room when I told him this thing aint never gonna work while looking at the thickness of his thighs. The thickness of...too many things. Sex Therapy my ass. So, I selpt on it. Tried to get away from hearing his voice which I swear makes the memory of his hands on me feel real. Tried to escape the wishes he placed in my ear. Tried to tuck his tongue & verbal praise under my pillow. Tried to forget that I needed exactly what he and Robin Thicke wanted me to want. I tried. It aint work. Damn you Robin Thicke! I think I could have let his conversation wash over me if I could just hear some Guns & Roses but noooo....really dude?? Every damn station. Reminding me my needs are showing.
So yep. I cussed out Robin Thicke. I didn't want to blame him but I couldn't call the ex back. Nope! The more I thought about it the more frustrated I became until morning arrived. I thought maybe a good shower and a productive day at work would clear the blues away. Started to cheer up until a lady stepped on the train....iPod blaring...guess what was playing. Just f'n guess!!!!!! I was so amped by the time I got to work that I said to hell with maturity. It made more sense to climb up on Thicke's facebook fan page and tell him to go straight to hell! So I did. That's the last time he will climb up in my car making promises that he can't keep! Damn rude, that's what it is. Following people around like that when their needs are showing.
Sidebar: For those who are wondering why don't I just call a dude to break me off, let's get clear on some things, I don't have casual sex. Nothing against those that do. It's just a matter of knowing ones self. Webster's defines casual as lacking interest or effort. I've seen my sex. Aint nothing casual about it. This here is a full bodied experience in a petite package. So, I only let a man experience my body if we are in a state of exclusive commitment and sometimes...not even then. So a break-in-case-of-emergency calls weren't an option either.
So now I sit, as I've done all day, singing gospel songs and trying to get my mentals in check. Trying not to call the ex. Trying to remember that I'm supposed to wait for a righteous brother. Trying not to let my hormones dictate my actions. After all, I'm 30 frickin years old & too smart to just invest so much on such a short return. Nope. Gotta have faith in God's plan for me and whomever my life mate will be. After all, It's 2010! I learned back in 2009 that my faith should always be bigger, stronger, thicker than my circumstance. Am I not reaping the harvest God promised me when I was sewing in 2009? Of course I am. I may not have my dream job but in this economy, thanks to choices I made in 2009, I do have a job. I may not have my dream home, but in this real estate market where so many were duped out of their homes, I still have a roof over my head. I may not have the soul mate but thanks to sticking to my promises that I made to God in 2009 I'm not in a world of hurt and settling for some dude just for a warm bed. So no more pining for the pieces I miss. Only focusing on the parts I'm gaining by being single. But first...before I could see clearly...I had to cuss out Robin Thicke! Oh yeah & delete the ex's number from my phone.
I'm reaping the harvest God promised me
Take back what the devil stole from me
& I rejoice today for I shall recover it all
Sex Therapy by Robin Thicke
Faithful is our God by Hezekiah Walker