Friday, March 5, 2010

Can you tell me how to get... how to get to Sesame Street????????

good evening, i'm sugar brown; dis here's da newz.

top headline: IT'S SUNNY OUTSIDE, BYTCHES!!!

yes, in an unprecedented long-awaited snap of fair weather, the east coast has been blessed with relatively mild temperatures, hovering around the 40s. that's mild in negro terms. in caucasian terms, that's summer weather. all hail mid-winter daisy dukes, i say.

it's easy to be lulled into a sense of warmth.

ahhh, u already see where this one is going, huh?

i'm still not sure if I Met Somebody yet. today, tonight, rightnow, right fckng now, i feel like i haven't.

what is it about dating that lulls you? when we first met it was txts and calls and emails all the time. ALL... THE... TIME. now? he barely has time. i was lulled into that warm glow of attention overload. it is the ultimate catnip for us women. we will do anything, damn near anything i say, for attention. it is to us, what sex is to men.

pure opiate.

and i basked in it. i bathed in it. i bottled that shit up and took it to work with me. i radiated Eau d'Attention. and then it stopped. or at least, drastically slowed down.

now, thankfully, i'm over the age of 18 21 25 29. so that means i no longer go into crackhead withdrawal with every mood swing a man exhibits. heck, to be honest, i only remember that i haven't heard from him in those moments when i'm not mentally occupied.


but this isn't a one-time thing. this is too common an occurence. a pastor once said, and i find to be true, if everywhere you go stinks... IT'S PROBABLY YOU. (heyyyy, that rhymed!) so now i'm sniffing my emotional upper lip and wondering, damn, do i drive these guys away? do i create this madness? it seems that no matter what kind of man i attract - go-getter, lazy, tall, short, handsome, fugly, rich, poor, spiritual, jaded, whatever - i come to *this* point in the journey. this point where he allofasudden changes and i don't understand why.

i think, more than anything, that's what i want to understand. why. that's what i want to ask him. if he wants to move on, fine... it's gonna be 50 degrees outside this weekend and he can't change that. but i need to know why. if it's something i'm doing, then after all these years, can somebody please let ME in on it?!? that's all i'm saying.

i won't lie, though. i was hopeful.


  1. i'll pass on sniffin ya upper lip with you, but i will offer this. in every relationship, there's a chaser & chasee (word?...not so much). i learned a long time ago that all those intense & LONG nights spent on the phone giving up every detail about us in the 1st 4 days is counterproductive. all the questions have been answered, he ain't gotta work so hard anymore. all that stuff that should be revealed in the "get to know you better" process comes in a zip file in the 1st 72 hours. i've started holding back, doling out little parcels here & there & taking care not to ask for his life story at the same time. i think the urgency of not wanting to waste time, finding out after the 3rd month of dating that the other is an ass, or a KA-RAY-ZAY ass, took over indulging in the process.

    i'm trying to be all Sankofa wid'mine & go back & fetch the process.

  2. I feel you Sugar!! I'm trying to get clarity on the same damn thing. No disrespect to Ndygo Sunshyne, but I don't think it matters if you talk in riddles or you start the convo with "I grew up a poor black child in Mississippi"...if there is something about you that is giving him "the vibes", he's gonna leave. I would rather know too, so I can either work on it or choose to say this is me, deal! But at least I'm not walking around with frickin' blinders on to everything. Wondering what's going on...