Can you tell me how to get... how to get to Sesame Street????????

good evening, i'm sugar brown; dis here's da newz.

top headline: IT'S SUNNY OUTSIDE, BYTCHES!!!

yes, in an unprecedented long-awaited snap of fair weather, the east coast has been blessed with relatively mild temperatures, hovering around the 40s. that's mild in negro terms. in caucasian terms, that's summer weather. all hail mid-winter daisy dukes, i say.

it's easy to be lulled into a sense of warmth.

ahhh, u already see where this one is going, huh?

i'm still not sure if I Met Somebody yet. today, tonight, rightnow, right fckng now, i feel like i haven't.

what is it about dating that lulls you? when we first met it was txts and calls and emails all the time. ALL... THE... TIME. now? he barely has time. i was lulled into that warm glow of attention overload. it is the ultimate catnip for us women. we will do anything, damn near anything i say, for attention. it is to us, what sex is to men.

pure opiate.

and i basked in it. i bathed in it. i bottled that shit up and took it to work with me. i radiated Eau d'Attention. and then it stopped. or at least, drastically slowed down.

now, thankfully, i'm over the age of 18 21 25 29. so that means i no longer go into crackhead withdrawal with every mood swing a man exhibits. heck, to be honest, i only remember that i haven't heard from him in those moments when i'm not mentally occupied.

(LESSON!)

but this isn't a one-time thing. this is too common an occurence. a pastor once said, and i find to be true, if everywhere you go stinks... IT'S PROBABLY YOU. (heyyyy, that rhymed!) so now i'm sniffing my emotional upper lip and wondering, damn, do i drive these guys away? do i create this madness? it seems that no matter what kind of man i attract - go-getter, lazy, tall, short, handsome, fugly, rich, poor, spiritual, jaded, whatever - i come to *this* point in the journey. this point where he allofasudden changes and i don't understand why.

i think, more than anything, that's what i want to understand. why. that's what i want to ask him. if he wants to move on, fine... it's gonna be 50 degrees outside this weekend and he can't change that. but i need to know why. if it's something i'm doing, then after all these years, can somebody please let ME in on it?!? that's all i'm saying.

i won't lie, though. i was hopeful.

Gaining Perspective/Dance like no one is watching - 2 for 1 special

I dunno if I mentioned to you all that I have decided to take a "life sabbatical". Well, not quite a sabbatical from life, but what was my life.

The past year and a half have been a sloppy ass mess and it comes a point in every person with a sloppy ass, messy life to put a freeze on the situation.

I've decided to re-evaluate everything that I am doing and currently experiencing. From people, work, hobbies, even health and fitness...everything will need to be re-certified and accredited in order to be in my life.

And, of course, dating and relationships will get the over due makeover that it so deserves in my life. Its interesting, you can find perspective in some unlikely places when you are receptive to it. The iconic diva Cher (love her, love her work) offered some sage advice that I am using temporarily until I get some shit in order.

"Men aren't necessities. They're luxuries."

Now, before any of the five male readers we have get up in arms, let me explain. I would never devalue the significance of men nor am I on some "no good men" type shit right now. But, indeed, being in a relationship with a worthy man is an absolute luxury that I would like nothing more than to luxuriate in. Nevertheless, I believe that our capitalistic society have taught us to get all the trimmings without having enough capital to pay for it. So I'm taking time out to build up my equity right now.

And let's face it, I would hate to find this beloved partner but due to distress and other bullshit I am soooo unavailable to him for a relationship to even work. Sometimes you got to know when to hold 'em, know when to fold 'em. (Love me some Kenny Rogers!)

So there, its out into the universe, I'll keep you posted on how its going and feel free to share your own sabbatical experiences and the results of it. Hell, if you're considering going on one yourself, lemme know too.

***

When you're at your breaking point for change, the universe will bring a catalyst your way to set the chain of events in motion.

My catalyst came in the form of a friend suggesting we attend another friend's dance class. I can't tell you how unappealing and uninterested in exercise I was. Not that I'm not active, but sometimes when you're in a dark place in your life anything that would shake that up seems unappealing. You start to embrace the very thing that you want to get away from.

And when I begrudgingly got to the gym, it couldn't have been any worse. The walkway to the dance class was like a catwalk, surrounded by a pit full of muscle-clad, sweaty men working out on either side. Beefcakes to the left and right and I had to go through the center of all of that. Lucky enough, my sense of obligation forced me to stay for the class, but I avoid all eye contact and walked swiftly.

I entered the room already filled with 20 people waiting to start the class. Oh God! I hate crowds of people when I'm working out. Not to mention, most of the people in the class seemed to all be in college. So here I am in this class with my sports bra pinching, knees aching, with the entire cast from Glee! in front of me going over dance moves. What made matters worst was the room became a human fish bowl as all the muscle boys, glistening with sweat, walked over and watched us, finger pointing and all.

The saving grace in this undesirable situation was the fact that my friend was a really good teacher! Her class was so fun and engaging, I could feel some of the doom and gloom that I had been saturating myself with going away. I'm not sure if it was the class or the universe already prepping me for change, but whatever it was, I hadn't felt that way in a long while.

More than a month in and I now dance up front with the Glee! kids, well sorta semi-front. I felt personally honored when one of them took time out to show me the count on one of the moves. Their praise and connection really made me feel good about myself. As for the fishbowl effect, I can't say that I am used to it yet, but I have decided that it won't stop me from sweating and having a good time.

Even when things seem low, there is always something to guide you in the right direction even when you don't want it.

So now when I enter the gym, I let me lip gloss pop and smile my way to the classroom. Cuz all eyes on me...

'Til Next Time,
~ T-Gyrl

Thicke

I'm reaping the harvest God promised me!

Take back what the devil stole from me!

& I rejoice today for I shall recover it all!

Today I cussed out Robin Thicke! That's right! I did it! And somehow I just can't stop rueing the day he was born. I hate to say this about Sir Thicke. I mean, let's face it, with all the love he shows the sisters he has always been in my good graces. AND HE CAN HOLD A NOTE. Oh yes, theoretical wet panties abound. But last night he earned my ire. I tried to go to bed, sleep on it but when I woke up in the morning the anger, the disgust, the betrayal - it was all still right there!

Oh, wait. You want to know what he did? Well, let's see if I can make it plain. Last night while driving home I was talking to a very recent ex with whom I used to have (ex)istential sex. And though I don't want him any more and I accept that, even if I did, it can never be I must be honest and admit there are parts of him that made me feel free! You see, smooth fuckin and thorough lovin are just two of the things one's body requires at 30 and that brotha provided at least one of the requirements! And therefore, while hearing his words about what he missed with me just made me want to vomit, hearing his voice made me remember strong arms and headboards knocking. It was clear - I had to get off the phone.

Our first night after we decided to be exclusive he told me "sleep now because after tonight I may never let you sleep again" and rolled over to catch a few x's ,y's & z's. And blessed assurance, that negro wasn't lying. When in the same room we never slept a wink. So while I wish I could take his personality and drop it over a cliff I have to keep it real and own the fact that there are parts of him that I will miss. It was clear - I had to get off the phone.

And I did! I put on my very wet big girl panties and said "niggah bye". Turned up my radio, which is always tuned to the gospel station and commenced to praising the I AM. Somehow, it didn't distract from the fact that I am horny as hell. Singing "God will provide all your needs" while silently fuming "clearly He won't" wasn't gonna get me to heaven. Being non-clairvoyant and in a state of need I figure maybe I just need to change the station. Find Pink or some other angry ass 30 something to give me some clarity and help me turn this energy into something productive like anger! Well, be careful what you ask for! I turn the station and enter...Thicke. ..

It's your body we'll go hard if you want to

hard as you want to, soft as you want to

Just let me love you, lay right here, I'll be your fantasy

Give you sex therapy. I'll give you sex therapy.

I know what you're thinking...why not just change the station? I did. Guess what they were playing?? C'mon I'll give you one guess.

It's your body we can love if you want to

Scream if you want to, loud if you want to

Just let me love you, lay right here, girl don't be scared of me

I'll give you sex therapy. Give you sex therapy

By the time I hit station three and verse four I was screaming "fuck you Robin Thicke!" I just didn't need it. I even tried a 4th station. Those jackasses were playing some level of insanity called Birthday Sex. What the hell is that? And this child (I'm assuming that's what it was because only a tween would be excited about the idea of "birthday sex") was saying it like he was gonna do something profound. I'm too grown for birthday sex. Hell, your birthday only comes once a year!! If you aint making me swing from the chandeliers every single time we get down then, trust boo, you won't be invited to the birthday. Who the hell rations out good sex once a year and then sings about it like he's doing her ass a favor! Even told her to "get ready". Wowzers. Really dude?? Good sex with your mate is that much of a unnatural occurrence?? Yeah, only a tween would swoon at that nonsense & believe her "man" is doing her a solid by dusting off his dick skillz once a year and presenting it as a gift.

Anywho so I was forced to listen to either Jesus Loves Me or Thicke. Thicke...where every verse made me remember the thickness of other things that I should not have been thinking about. The thickness of his promises. The thickness of the love I thought we could have. The thick silence in the room when I told him this thing aint never gonna work while looking at the thickness of his thighs. The thickness of...too many things. Sex Therapy my ass. So, I selpt on it. Tried to get away from hearing his voice which I swear makes the memory of his hands on me feel real. Tried to escape the wishes he placed in my ear. Tried to tuck his tongue & verbal praise under my pillow. Tried to forget that I needed exactly what he and Robin Thicke wanted me to want. I tried. It aint work. Damn you Robin Thicke! I think I could have let his conversation wash over me if I could just hear some Guns & Roses but noooo....really dude?? Every damn station. Reminding me my needs are showing.

So yep. I cussed out Robin Thicke. I didn't want to blame him but I couldn't call the ex back. Nope! The more I thought about it the more frustrated I became until morning arrived. I thought maybe a good shower and a productive day at work would clear the blues away. Started to cheer up until a lady stepped on the train....iPod blaring...guess what was playing. Just f'n guess!!!!!! I was so amped by the time I got to work that I said to hell with maturity. It made more sense to climb up on Thicke's facebook fan page and tell him to go straight to hell! So I did. That's the last time he will climb up in my car making promises that he can't keep! Damn rude, that's what it is. Following people around like that when their needs are showing.

Sidebar: For those who are wondering why don't I just call a dude to break me off, let's get clear on some things, I don't have casual sex. Nothing against those that do. It's just a matter of knowing ones self. Webster's defines casual as lacking interest or effort. I've seen my sex. Aint nothing casual about it. This here is a full bodied experience in a petite package. So, I only let a man experience my body if we are in a state of exclusive commitment and sometimes...not even then. So a break-in-case-of-emergency calls weren't an option either.

So now I sit, as I've done all day, singing gospel songs and trying to get my mentals in check. Trying not to call the ex. Trying to remember that I'm supposed to wait for a righteous brother. Trying not to let my hormones dictate my actions. After all, I'm 30 frickin years old & too smart to just invest so much on such a short return. Nope. Gotta have faith in God's plan for me and whomever my life mate will be. After all, It's 2010! I learned back in 2009 that my faith should always be bigger, stronger, thicker than my circumstance. Am I not reaping the harvest God promised me when I was sewing in 2009? Of course I am. I may not have my dream job but in this economy, thanks to choices I made in 2009, I do have a job. I may not have my dream home, but in this real estate market where so many were duped out of their homes, I still have a roof over my head. I may not have the soul mate but thanks to sticking to my promises that I made to God in 2009 I'm not in a world of hurt and settling for some dude just for a warm bed. So no more pining for the pieces I miss. Only focusing on the parts I'm gaining by being single. But first...before I could see clearly...I had to cuss out Robin Thicke! Oh yeah & delete the ex's number from my phone.

I'm reaping the harvest God promised me

Take back what the devil stole from me

& I rejoice today for I shall recover it all

~Shai

Sex Therapy by Robin Thicke

Faithful is our God by Hezekiah Walker

Venus, Mars .... Earth, Uranus...

good evening, i'm sugarbrown. dis here's da newz.

in today's news: Toyoda Finally Bends Over for US Congress

oh, and before i forget,

I MET SOMEONE.

ok calm down. i kindasorta met someone. or maybe i didn't 'meet', meet someone yet. okay here's the deal.

he's bruised.

why is it that men are so brittle? when they get sick, it's as if the whole world has to come to an end. colds, headaches, whatever. they fall the fck out like they're gonna just die. just DIE, i say. meanwhile, we soldier through all kinds of illnesses. and pains. and emotional fluxes. and knife stabs.

and that doesn't count the non-menstrual-period-related shyt.

why do they get to be so brittle, and we don't? alright alright, i'll get over the spilled milk soon but right now, hatdemmit i wanna whine. SUE ME.

so anyway, this guy is bruised. he was in a relationship with someone whom (i suspect) didn't really want to be in a relationship, but thought it would be a good idea to be in a relationship with a guy who is actually REALLY ready to settle down. so she screwed him over. which meant that by the time i met him, he was like a wounded animal. not quite snarly but scared of everything.

i could certainly relate to this. i haven't dated seriously in a long time. i'm not ugly. i'm scared. so i understand scared. but THIS dude right here pushed my limits of understanding.

he did things like ask me where i work.... then ask me again, an hour later. not because he forgot, more to see if i would answer the same way twice.

are you fcking JOKING??

LESSON: men, i need you to understand this and let it help you for the rest of your live-long days: WOMEN ARE SMARTER THAN MEN. period. no, really. you know how men usually get to tell us earth-shattering truth like 'men really are visually driven' or 'men really are dogs' and we usually need a minute or two to accept the truth?

your minute begins right....

....now.













okay u can resume breathing now, before that temple on your forehead explodes. back to the lesson. we're smarter than you. we are better liars than you. we just (usually) choose not to. but not because we can't. i don't know why we are so good at it. anymore than i know why men make such wonderful protectors, regardless of physical build. it just is what it is. so - and most women will NOT tell you this - trying to catch us in a verbal lie will usually be pointless. no.... seriously. 8 times out of 10, you will not catch a verbal lie. there are other ways to catch us but i'm not trying to have my women's membership card revoked so i'd better stop talking right now.

so by this time i'm already irritated. fckr if i'm gonna do you grimy, me lying about my job is the LAST thing you need to worry about. so i ask him a little about what happened with ex-girl.

i mean, she was grimy. my opinion is, she had someone on the side and needed an excuse to cut my dude off. but she had to make it seem like it was his fault. (yes, we do that sometimes.) but quite frankly, i just wound up rolling my eyes at the whole thing. i get it. this is a man who usually has his pick of women. so to have a woman treat him badly was literally unfathomable to him. it shook him to his core.

boo mthrfckin hoo.

but... is this our fault? have we women so coddled men to the point that they are emotionally weakened? no, let's think about this.

we pride ourselves on our ability to bear all kinds of heartache and pain and childbirth and maternal duties and wifely duties and boardroom duties and bedroom embarassment and blahblahblah... and we've accepted men's expectation of drama-free women.

LESSON: all women come with drama. all MEN come with drama. all kids, goats, dogs come with drama. life IS drama. so if your partner isn't sharing the drama with you, then either s/he is internalizing it, or sharing it with someone else.

here's another minute.













so in our bid to present ourselves as drama-free, sugar-n-spice visions of bliss, we have set unrealistic expectations for our men. and perhaps, we have unrealistic expectations of them, too. which is why men don't deal well with non-physical confr...oh... by the way...

LESSON: ladies, men hate hate hatehatehatehatehatehateHATE confrontation with us. why? they can't just smack us and be done with it. and we're daaaaamn good with words. (did i mention women are smarter than m... oh ok, u read that part.) so we will argue a matter until it's dead, buried, decayed, gone to judgment, argued its case, lost, appealed, and haunting your daily life. that is how we roll. men haaaaaate that shyt. so we have progressively turned them into creatures who either cower, run, or misdirect their feelings when confronted by mammary adversaries.

so what would it take to be completely naked with each other, as sexes? is that even possible? how would that work? could there ever be a space where men can be sensitive and women show our emotions?

perhaps on planet Utopia. and on that planet, Utopians would have figured out how to eat all you want and never get fat, fck all you want and never contract a disease or break a heart, and do whatever you want with no negative consequences.

meanwhile, back at the ranch (known also as planet Earth), we find it easier and safer to keep all urges in check. cuz let's face it: i like my men, manly. slightly macho. i'm kind of a traditionalist. i believe in taking my husband's last name and being the primary (not sole) caretaker of the home. i believe in genteel behavior, however that's translated from culture to culture. so in the end, we'll continue to capitulate to each other's needs. because that's how we keep the planet spinning on its axis. that's how we roll.

we bend over, and then say 'thank you.'

*exhale* okay i'm tired of whining over spilled milk now.

oh, as for Dude... *shrug*

Its in his kiss....

(Post Dedication: To MyKimmy and McLovin, thanks for giving me the proverbial smack in the head when I forget who I am!!)

On Saturday night, I was hanging out on the couch with my homegirls. My girl McLovin tells me and MyKimmy about her date with a guy she's been seeing for a couple of weeks now. McLovin casually told us that the guy kissed her and, of course, we squealed like little pot-bellied pigs. Even as grown women, we become school girls when it comes to dating and boys.

So I proceeded to ask how was "the kiss"? McLovin responds, "Not good at all". MyKimmy responds, "Uhh....get rid of him". McLovin signified this same sentiment.

"Now wait a minute. You're going to just throw the baby out with the bathwater because of a bad first kiss?" I questioned.

"Yes!" They both responded in unison.

What was it that I was missing here?

***

The topic had me perplexed a little bit. Obviously, I needed to think things over a bit, and what better way than with a tip of the box.

The power of the kiss means more than maybe I had ever given it credit for. According to my homegirls and many other women out there, kissing tells you almost everything you need to know about a guy.

Yeah, yeah, yeah....you still have to have a conversation and spend time with a guy to know his personality and the type of person he is, but the kiss... The kiss seems to provide a woman with information on the chemistry between the two of them, how comfortable a man is with himself and with you, and also acts as a precursor to the type of loving a woman can expect from a guy. Wow! All of that from just one kiss?

This required another glass of wine to comprehend.

Very few guys take stock into learning how to appropriately kiss. Oftentimes, kissing is taken for granted in lieu of other physical activities. The kiss can be just that little spark that sends the love rollercoaster in motion.

So how do you tell the difference between a bad kiss and a good kiss?

That's a pretty subjective thing for each person, but from my own experience there are certain things that goes without saying. Such as:

- Tight lip kisses are such a turn off. It feels like you are trying to cement my lips shut. Not to mention, if his lips are that tight, no telling what else on him is uptight.

- The tongue probing kiss is equivalent to a plumber cranking a snake down a drain to unclog a toilet. It feel like your tongue is checking my dental work...its just awkward. Tongue has its place in a kiss, but it should never distract away from the lips.

- Hesitant kisses - I HATE these for the simple fact that somewhere there is a secret being withheld and their lips are the physical ramifications of it. I have had three of these in my lifetime. They all had the potential of being awe-inspiring kisses, but something felt like it was only a half kiss. I eventually found out what the hesitancy was: 2/3 were with other people and the 1/3 was in the closet. 'Nuff said!

- Succubi kisses - these are the kisses that try to steal your life force from you. The suction on the mouth is like a vacuum. When you get these kisses, it feels like the person doesn't even care if you need air or that your lips are now hanging on the floor.

- St. Bernard kisses - Just like the dogs, they are overly wet and downright sloppy. These are the type of kisses that my cousin would threaten us with as kids. There is nothing sexy about bathing in a whirlpool of spit.

So what's a good kiss?

Lips, lips, lips are EVERYTHING. Nice lips. Soft lips. Chapstick moist lips. Lips so appealing that every time the person talks I feel compelled to stare at them when I'm not trying to put my own on them. WHEW! we're cooking with grease now.

But its more than just kissing on the lips. Its the mental foreplay that goes with a kiss. A kiss on the forehead, on the neck, even on the tip of your nose. All of these show a sort of desire or passion that the person has for you. When you touch the spot where your beloved kissed you, it sends you into a 3-minute chocolate high.

Is there any slack for men who aren't good kissers?

According to MyKimmy, "If you are over the age of 30, you should have enough experience by now to know what to do. You should just know!"

So get your kiss and lip game up, fellas! Otherwise, many of you will be left to the judgment of the Girlfriend Gauntlet...and apparently, there is no mercy for the weak and ill-prepared!

'Til Next Time (with lip gloss poppin')

~ T-Gyrl

You Make Me Feel Like A....

Lookin out on the mornin rain, I used to feel so uninspired. And when I knew I had to face another day, oh it made me feel so tired. Before the day I met you life was so unkind. You're the key to my peace of mind. You make me feel...

So...I don't do letters. We, the authors of this blog, sometimes receive emails from followers and foreigners alike. I will usually email the sister or the brother back and wish them well. After all, I sing songs. Whistle while I work kinda gal. Don't let the blog fool ya, I don't write letters. And truthfully this blog was started as a way to track my dating experiences since turning 30. Give me something to reflect upon and eventually laugh at in my "old age". It wasn't ever meant for me to give advice. But I received a letter from a sister that just resonated with me. It boldly reminded me of one of my recent experiences in the dating world so I feel compelled to answer. Don't worry, this won't become a habit!

You make me feel. You make me feel like

A Natural Fool:
So this sister writes me about her "man" that she's been seriously dating for two years. They are now engaged and her issue...she doesn't know if he loves her. How the hell are you confused about that?? She goes on to tell me that in the two years, he's never said he loves her. Hmm...I asked how does he show it? Her response: He's stuck with me for two years. WTF? Are you that godawful that "sticking with you" is such a heinous activity that you must pledge the rest of your existence to him as a thank you?? Didn't you also stick with his arse for the same amount of time?? Fair exchange is no robbery sis.

Me: "you know how you can tell? Sure it's implied in all the little things, the gifts, the words, the promises. You know the shit you don't get. But it's felt in the follow-through. How does he argue?

She seemed confused.

Me: "you do argue at times, right? When you are upset, need comfort or support in spite of a differing opinion...what does loverboy do?"

Her: "well, he can get a bit cruel. Usually we just need a few days away from each other."

As we continue talking she further reveals there are times when he's laughed when she cried. When she says she needs something he responds by telling her she shouldn't be so needy. That's often followed by she shouldn't be so angry or so this or so that because after all it wouldn't get to him that way.

Ah sisters, with all the extra assholes the Lord saw fit to provide you'd think we wouldn't be so stunned when we end up caught up in a bunch of shit. Let's be reall, the whole idea of "too needy" was created by men. It's their buzz word. They figured out, long ago, that if they say "too needy" we automatically feel a.) inadequate and b.) responsible. It's the ability to manipulate the conversation by convincing you his role is to validate who you are and how you feel. They hope, and often are granted, you forget that power is yours to give AND take back as you see fit. I say, next time challenge him on it. When he says "you shouldn't be so needy" tell him to point it out in the manual. I'm dying to hear what answer he gives that justifies his egotistical desire to control how another person feels.

When my soul was in the lost and found you came along to claim it. I didn't know just what was wrong with me til your kiss helped me name it. Now I'm no longer doubtful of what I'm living for and if I make you happy I don't need to do more cuz you make me feel...

When you are at your worst and vulnerable to being hurt how does he make you feel? It's easy to feel on cloud nine when everything is good. It's easy to convince yourself, whether he says it or not, that he loves you when the most horrible thing he's done is leave his socks on the floor. When you two have completely different opinions on a subject you feel strongly about and you are shouting at the top of your lungs. When you're so frustrated you can't do anything but cry. When you are being unreasonable and he's being undesirable. How does he make you feel? If it's intentionally less than the woman you walked into the situation with...leave him. What have you really lost? Love isn't pretty but it is often strong. It's what shows up when everything else shows out.

You make me feel. You make me feel like...

A Non-Existent Piece of the Puzzle:

So on our next conversation I asked her when times are good...what does he do? We already know how bad it can get. What does he like to talk about when he's at his best? She says, his cars, his kids, his feelings about me as long as it doesn't include the word love, his job, his past. At this point, she's making my damn head hurt. You want to marry a man who knows you're there but doesn't care? You want to marry a man who can only be happy if the world revolves around him?

Sister do yourself the same favor I had to do myself. Stop wondering if he loves you. Start worrying about if you love you.

Don't get married, don't get a pet, don't get a new pair of shoes until you figure that out. All that energy you keep investing in making sure his world is ok, take it, and start building one that's all about you. Make sure it's full of beautiful, pampering things. Treat yourself so well, invest in your own well being so much that by the time you are ready to date or get married that man won't have the luxury of topping the last man's achievements because you've already gone far and above that for yourself. The standard he will have to top is based on how you treat you. And even with that dude, if he doesn't make you feel valued and respected...if he doesn't make you proud of who you two are as a couple...if he doesn't make you feel like a needed piece of the puzzle you two are putting together for your relationship...if he doesn't make you feel blessed and joyful in your femininity. Appreciated in what you bring to the table. EVERY day....leave him. He's not only supposed to say he loves you...I mean if that brother doesn't make you feel it...Fully, Completely, Naturally....EVERY day - leave him.

I know she won't. She's already committed. I know it was one of those moments when God was just tapping me on my shoulder and saying "look how far you've come." So, I'm once again going back to the mode of wish 'em well and keep walking the path to my destiny. To the one who will one day have me sincerely wondering

ooh, baby what ya done to me? You made me feel so good inside. And I just want to be close to you. You make me feel so alive. You make me feel...you make me feel...you make me feel like a Natural Woman

~Shai

Song: Natural Woman by Aretha Franklin

Secret Valentine Love

Valentine's Day comes and goes the same way every year for me....unnoticed, until the candy goes on sale. This year offered little variation to the love holiday.

In the hallows of Valentine's Days past, I would make resolutions and solemn vows to have a valentine love by the following holiday. But sadly, the results have remained the same. Nevertheless, another year will bring about the promise of a different outcome.

During the 13 days leading up to the holiday, I listen to the brevy of men who feel compelled to say, "I do stuff all year long, why do I need this holiday to justify what I've been doing all along?" Accompanied with their admissions, are the all-to-familiar responses of their female counterparts chanting their mantras, "Valentine's Day is an overrated holiday!" Or my favorite, "we don't really celebrate it".

To these couples, I say, "GET THE HELL OUTTA HERE WITH THAT CRAP!!"

You know what? Go stand in the corner and be boring as hell and let me show you how to enjoy Valentine's Day. YES DAMMIT!! I like Valentine's Day....I finally said it. After all those years of Anti-Valentine's episodes, I can no longer hold it in anymore.

YES! I want the cheesy Russell-Stover chocolate turtles and the cliche' roses. Red ones.

YES! I want the crappy little cartoon card with the sappy line and I want to check one of the yes, no or maybe boxes.

YES! I want the unoriginal date night including a dinner and a movie, followed by an even more trite excuse to have Valentine's Day sex.

YES!! I freakin' want it all. More importantly, I want my right to be unenthused by the prospect of the lover's holiday. Let me decide for myself the uneventfulness of the day, without the dream deferred rhetoric of stale couples. Its like they forget that at one time they, too, enjoyed these displays of affection.

Sometimes, partnered people use those uninterested lines projecting their own unhappiness about the spunk, or rather lack thereof, in their relationships. As if these words will somehow save the single person from the uninteresting nature your relationship has taken.

I know that it ain't hot in the streets to love Valentine's Day if you're single, but why the hell not? To admit to liking the day, is like admitting to being on the DL. The scoffs are enough to send any covert romantic, like myself, back into hibernation.

Furthermore, with my Valentine's birthright, I want the hope of having a partner who will make strides and leaps at creativity in planning Valentine's gifts for me.

Sometimes, I let my imagination run wild (which normally includes a few glasses of wine from the box). I dream about waking up to an early morning phone call of my beloved telling me how he will come over and share his box of cereal if I would share some milk. Together, we lay curled up watching Saturday morning cartoons, wasting the day away.

Even better, he has a romantic dinner of Popeye's chicken and biscuits with sticky honey packets waiting and we sit through an evening of Queen Latifah movies. As a treat, I get my feet massaged. Shea butter all up and through them toes.

This might seem crazy to you, but that's what I like. That's what makes me happy.

And happily is how I plan to spend my Valentine's Days from here on out. (And I dare anyone to tell me that I can't have it!)

'Til Next Time!
~ T-Gyrl