I definitely want to give a quick shout out to Chris and Samaria from Its All Love blog talk radio show. Thanks for letting me come on your show and promote the site!! You can hear me talk about DNT on their 1/16/2010 episode. Check 'em out on Saturdays at 11pm EST on http://www.blogtalkradio.com/its_all_love
Now that we got the shout-outs in, time for one of my favorite segments. Tappin' and Talkin' with T-Gyrl...where you "the fan" can write in and "yours truly" will help you out with your love problems while I luxuriate on a little boxed wine!!
Help!! I am desperate! After years of being single, I finally met a man. He is amazing and we really hit it off well. Its been 6 months and we have been talking about taking the relationship to the next committed level, but there is one problem: my homegirls. He can't stand them! He thinks they are haters and don't want to see me happy. I told him that they aren't like that and that he's jealous of our friendship. But my girlfriends are kinda critical of men and a little bitter. I don't know what to do. Those are my girls, but I love my man and I don't want to choose between them.
Stuck in the middle
It may be the wine talking, but it sounds like you got a situation on your hands. The pull between honoring the Sisterhood or standing by your man. Either way you go, it will lead to hurt feelings on your part. How you handle this requires patience and precision and I think I can help you out by the time I finish off this box of Sangria.
What you have on your hands is a case of a man not quite understanding the dynamics of your girlfriends. He may have heard one or two of them say something stank and it put him off. What you have to do is carefully introduce each girlfriend to him and give him some context so that he can become comfortable with your friends.
Most good men understand that the bonds of friendship are important and necessary for survival, especially in singlehood. And as this writer believes, these same men will encourage their women to keep healthy bonds with their girlfriends. (Let the liquor tell it!)
HOWEVER, it IS important that your man knows the personalities of the girlfriends you keep. These are the people who have the most direct influence over you and make the difference in who you date and who gets kicked to the curb. Let's take a look at some of the universal personalities that can make up the sister circle:
The Sleeper Cell
This chick ruins any relationships she may have with a potential mate. No one likes to hook her ass up. Just when you think they hit it off.....BAM!! She detonates that hidden bomb that makes a man flee to the hills. Furthermore, you will lose your man faster than I can tap the spigot on my boxed wine if you hook this heiffa up with one of your man's friends. No one can ever figure out why she can't keep a man. But what sleeper cell doesn't want anyone to know is that she is terrified at the thought of relationships, especially if it could possibly go well. She has no clue how to handle the impact of that, but she really, really, REALLY wants a relationship.
One of my personal favorites! She IS angry!! At who, no one knows...but her nose stays turned up at EVERYTHING! Angry Smurf probably loves ol' "Not Gon' Cry" Mary J. Blige and Jagged Little Pill Alanis Morrisette. She is so hardcore,"Mommy Dearest" is one of her favorite movies. Now, Angry Smurf don't like going out at all, but she loves kicking it with the girls. She is the first with a "Oh no he didn't" when you talk about some trivial thing your man did. Often mistaken as a lesbian for her incessant male-bashing rhetoric, Angry Smurf may be considered...ahem...bitter. (Because, quietly, she still holds onto the pain of being jilted by past lovers.) But be very careful when you are at the club/bar with her, she will keep the men away from you the whole night saying things like, "Hmmpf, there ain't any good men out here. They are all intimidated by strong independent women like us!...I'm ready to go". The sister circle bonds around one of those attitude charged incidents that Angry Smurf is infamous for. Introduce her to your man gingerly.
This is the woman that others love to hate! She's beautiful and everyone tells her that. Angry Smurf can't stand her ass, but what's new? Ms. America is the darling of any group and the apple of every man's eye. Most men are captivated by her beauty, so much that they will pay for her and her girlfriends drinks all night long at the club. (Angry Smurf will sit pissed off while she sucks down those drinks too.) On the surface, it would appear she doesn't need the circle of friends because of her constant attention from men, but she clings to it. Ms. America knows she's good looking, but she constantly wonders if people really see her for who she is. And for all of the attention, she is just as single as the rest of the group!
The free spirit! Everything she does and says have some sort of sexual kinetic energy attached to it, even if its just from washing dishes. Angry Smurf can't stand her ass either! LoveSexy gets it in and in and in. She falls out of love as quickly as she gets it in and in and in. LoveSexy is on an ethereal quest to be ascended into the love realm, where the energies of the world unite into one. Her beloved and she can become one unit: mind, body and soul. (Angry Smurf complains how LoveSexy is obviously hitting the chronic with her freak nasty ways). The only real issue with LoveSexy is that her lovesexiness confuses the hell out of men and women alike, whereas she appears to hit on everyone. That withstanding, she is chill!
Prudence is quite the character! Prudence goes to two church services on Sunday, Bible study on Monday, Young Adults Bible study on Tuesday, Christian singles' mixer on Wednesday, choir practice on Thursday and out with her girls on Friday. She is ALWAYS trying to get her life right with the Lord (Nothing's wrong with that as I probably should attend a little more church myself...I mean, attend church.) She is looking for a God-fearing Christian Man who is resolute with his walk with God. Prudence can be a little judgmental to the other girls in the crew at times, i.e. LoveSexy, and that's why Angry Smurf will gladly hang out with Prudence. But what Prudence doesn't want the girls to know about is the graveyard of former paramours buried DEEP within her freak closet. Prudence's "body" count is higher than the aftermath of a Category-4 hurricane, but the fear of her girls judging her is crippling.
She is a guy's dream, an insecure woman's nightmare and her own personal tragedy! She loves sports and beer. She takes a pole dancing class 2 days a week and she is funny as hell. Insecure women cling to their men tighter because guys think she's better than Mom's apple pie. Why do guys like her so? Well, its because she can hold her own in conversations and become one of the boys, but that's just it....they don't "see" her as anything more than buddy. She gets along with everyone in the girlfriend circle, even Angry Smurf! She's the glue that holds the group together and probably the only person that your man will be okay with. For all that she's got going for her, Peppermint Patti cannot find a partner. Its the darndest thing! Nevertheless, she brings balance to the group.
Okay, so my box is getting low and so is my ability to think coherently. Try sharing the dynamics of the group with your man. He will appreciate the candor and probably be a good sounding board for you when it comes to your girlfriends. Good luck and keep me posted on your progress!!