Wednesday, January 27, 2010

It's just a little crush...

So I'm going to make an admission right now: I HATE crushes! *cue slasher/demonic music*

There...I said it and I ain't taking it back. This regard towards crushes has been a long standing belief of mine because crushes are the curses that lead to heartache and unrequited feelings.

Now, I'm not talking about attraction. Crushes and Attraction are completely different symptoms. Attraction is nothing more than admiring the assets of another, whether physical, emotional or biological. Day in and day out I am attracted to men, women, kids, puppies, electronic gadgets, food and clothes. Attraction just lets you know that the senses are functioning.

However, a crush is a horse of a different color. Just think back to any crush you ever had. For that fleeting moment your crush made you feel like you're on top of the world. You dream about interacting with this person. Telling a funny joke and your beloved laughs. Holding your beloved's hand. Or if you're like me, watching your beloved's toes curl in a fit of ecstasy. (Oh don't act like I'm the only one that goes there)

But reality always wins this battle. In 99% of crush cases, the crush never works out. The desire for this person just masks the deep-seeded feelings of inadequacy or the realization of unfulfilled longing. How many times did you feel bad about yourself once the horrible truth came to light that this person either a). didn't know you existed or b). wanted anyone else but you?

Despite my loathing of the act, I still get crushes. Crushes effect me the same way acid reflux does, there's nothing bad per se I did to get it. Its a nuisance and an occasionally discomfort, but ultimately I learn to deal with it.

Fortunately, age and counseling techniques have provided me with some perspective on my antagonistic relationship to crushes. Crushes provide me an opportunity to look at the areas of my life that I still struggle with and why this person brings up dormant feelings from deep inside of me.

Sometimes crushes allow me to test how much I have grown and how much I've allowed my heart to heal. But most importantly, they remind me of how human I truly am and that I am a loving individual.

So am I welcoming crushes into my life with open arms? HELL NO! I am still not fond of them. Nevertheless, I am starting to think of them like Cod Liver Oil now. Not the greatest thing in the world to swallow, but it hasn't killed me yet!

~ T-Gyrl

5 comments:

  1. sad to say that this is so true

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  3. *sigh* i remember my last crush. he was sexy. and chocolate. and tall. and smart (doctoral candidate). and a smile for days and days. he was studying to be a sex therapist.

    just saying that makes me happy, till this day. sexxxx...the-ra-pistttttt. *lipsmack*

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