Good evening. I'm Sugar Brown; this is Da Newz.
ok ok so we were gonna talk about the Rolaid Exes, true? okay so these dudes show up every year. like clockwork. they go through their rolodexes in december, and whaddyaknow, a lucky name pops up. or 2. or 12. these are names of women who, for whatever reason, they have lost touch with. they immediately become curious. "is she available? do i still have a chance?"
and then they call.
exhibit A: michael. i've known michael for about 4 or 5 years. it's always been a 'bad timing' situation with us. that, and i've never actually trusted a word that comes out of his mouth. 2 failed marriages and no kids later, he comes looking for me. wow, what did i do to earn this sonofamadre in the lottery...? this was last year. anyway, i tried the usual 'brush off maneuvers' (don't call back; don't txt back; block his IM; ignore, ignore, ignore)... but he was persistent.
so i actually started taking his calls, and we started talking. and talking. and talking. then it was 'when can i come visit you' talking. he's down south. i'm not. and then, the most peculiar thing happened: he stopped calling.
it was a gradual thing. in and of itself, his behavior isn't what stumps me. it's the fact that this happens to me kinda often. meet a guy. like a guy. he likes me. he chases. we talk. he tries to get some. i say no. then things...slow...down. :-
so now, michael has tried calling again. sadly for him, he's on the permanent ignore list. not out of spite. nope. not as a punitive measure. for me, it's self-preservation.
"when someone shows you who they are, believe them" -- some black billionairess from mississippi.
the thing is, when michael - or any other guy - shows me he's an asshole, i believe it. and i treat him accordingly and keep my distance. as it turns out, i happen to be a veritable connoiseur of assholes. i magnetically attract them, much like shit does flies. now, regurgitating them over and over again, ah yes... my favorite new year's tradition of all.
Thank you for tuning in. I'm... Sugar Brown.