Friday, January 29, 2010

Azimuth check

good evening, i'm sugar brown. dis here's da newz.

tonight's news is a love story.

over 200,000 dead in haiti. one lady was pulled out of the rubble after 6 days. alive. they showed it on tv. her husband didn't give up hope; he did not stop looking. he did not stop looking.
he did not stop looking for her.

eventually, when they got to her, she said, "tell my husband that in life, or in death, i love you."

i saw the worry in his eyes. the love. the feverish need to find his partner. the resolve to keep looking.

he did not stop looking for her.

and in that moment, as i watched the coverage, the tears came. i still haven't cried for haiti yet. not fully. i don't think i can. but up till that moment, i hadn't cried at all. i'd sent money hither and thither, rallied some friends to get into the effort. but i hadn't let myself feel it. i can't.

i told yall this was a love story.

you see, when i saw the face of this man... this grown ass, teary-eyed man, looking for his wife... something in me shifted. i was once again moved by the sheer tenacity of the people. and the tenacity of their faith.

and the tenacity of love.

and in that moment, i realized that i did not envision this kind of love in my life. do i eventually think i'll get married? sure, why not. but do i envision a husband would seek me out the way this man sought out his wife? no. quite frankly, no.

don't miss what i just said.

so now i'm curious: is this the norm? do most women envision their husband to be this kinda guy? the guy that would move structural rubble to find them? the guy who would love them till the last breath? i mean, sure, we all dream of the knight in shining armor when we're teenagers, but that's not the same, is it? heck, some of us are still waiting for our knight, and we're post-30. but this guy wasn't a knight... per se. he didn't seek his wife out of valor or heroism. he sought her out because he needed her. he needed her. i'm guessing, he loved her, too.

so is it odd that i don't see that for me? and this isn't on some all-men-suck type shit. this is more of 'does that really exist for ME' type thing. you see, my male friends have told me that i'm too... demanding. i expect too much from a guy. my expectations are too idealistic.

but then i look at my parents and instinctively know - not believe, but know - that my dad would move boulders for my mom. i can't speak to my grandparents' relationships because both my grandads have been dead about as long as i've been alive. so i didn't get to observe them together. but is that a characteristic that is quite simply beyond my generation? outdated?

i'm looking around at the single people of my generation and it doesn't mirror what i'm holding on to. i see women who are quiiiiite gangster about going after the men they want. especially when you consider your up-and-coming, eligible black women. oh some of those chicks are cut-throat. i see women working harder and harder to attract men - with mixed results - and i see men becoming more and more lax in the pursuit. heck, some men have stopped pursuing altogether. and frankly, who can blame them? when the bare minimum of quals will get you a gatdemm reality show where you can pick and choose an assmate (i mean, seriously... who actually gets married off these shows), then why rise above mediocrity? what's the ROI?

so i really need to know: are my notions of courtship out of date? the notion of a man seeking out a woman relentlessly. notions of a woman not having to hunt. a notion of courtship where the word 'courtship' isn't odd.

am i out of touch?

~ Sugar Brown


  1. Damn Sugar! That was too deep for me. Sometimes I think you and I share the same at least the same metnal illness. Is courtship, real love and real men dead? hmm..I don't know. I can't call it. I do know this, just like you, even in moments of tragedy I've only seen them on TV. Considering (& I completely agree with you) the oddity of females these days. Maybe the idea of a real men went wherever the idea of being a real lady has gone. Or maybe neither of them went anywhere incapable of ever becoming more than an idea.

  2. (Inserting Devil's Advocacy): Is it possible that we are mourning the past when should be redefining our future? Just a fleeting thought...

    LOVE, LUV, LOVED your post!!

  3. loved this post. I didn't get a sense of mourning the past AT ALL. I took it as questioning or defining the present so that you can more realistically shape the future.

  4. @shai honey, it's the mental illness. trust and believe. and i LIKE it!! *wild-eyed grin*

    @t... thanks thanks thanks for the love! :)

    @ anonymous ... you hit the nail on the head. i'm more curious as to where we are now, as a generation. and also curious about what's next. i'm really beginning to question my notions of love, dating, the whole nine. yet, i'm unable to shake those notions loose. so what do i do?